To Stay Or To Go?
by LauraLovesNT
Summary: A little one-shot about Zoe's decision to leave Holby for a while.


So we had to write about an important decision in our lives for an English assignment, and I chose to write about Zoe's decision to step down as Clinical Lead and take a break from Holby.

Told from Zoe's point of view.

Reviews welcome,

Laura xxx

I do not own the characters!

Title: To Stay Or To Go?

I'm stressed. Really stressed.

I'm sick and tired of Connie bossing me around all the time. My belief is that she's only come to Holby Emergency Department for her own gain. Ethan, Robyn, and Lily constantly snap at me, Louise and Noel are always talking behind my back. The only people who treat me like an actual human being are Ash and Charlie. Okay and Max. I don't know what to do about Max. Yes, our "thing" was lovely: but it was never meant to go on forever. Max thought differently.

I think the best thing would be for me to leave for a while.

I'm tired all the time, I'm not myself. I'm stressed with all of the paperwork I have to do, constantly having to organize all of my staff each and every day. I need a break.

On top of all this, today's my birthday. I'm 40.

By now, I thought I'd be happily married, with 3 children, and I'd have my own little practice. Well, the children thing obviously will never happen, I can't have children… the husband thing is still possible. As if! I'm always grumpy, snappy and bossy… I mustn't kid myself. I've had string of failed relationships

"What's up with you? You're not your usual chirpy, bossy self." Max says. 'Max, I haven't got time for this now.' I close my eyes. "Not even time for a cigarette?" he asks. 'No, I'm busy! Just go away!' I snap. "Okay." He puts his hands up in submission and walks off.

I make my way back to the main Emergency Dept and walk slap-bang straight into Connie. As if my morning couldn't get any blimmin well worse! "Watch where you're going." She growls. 'Um, sorry.' I can feel my cheeks hotting up. I'm such a fool. "Maybe you should take a break; you haven't been your usual self recently." She says. I can practically hear the glee she takes in teasing me in her voice. I restrain myself from snapping, or even screaming at her. There's only so much I can take.

"Zoe, there's a patient in bed 4 who's had a serious fall. Several cuts and bruises, possible broken leg. She's due for an x-ray in about ten minutes but please could you do her obs?" Lily asks. 'Sure.' I reply. "Thanks."

I do the patient's obs and try to keep calm. Breathe in, breathe out, and breathe in- "Zoe! Can you come over here please?" Caleb calls. 'Just a second.' I say. Obs all done, everything is fine. I've checked the dressings on the cuts and they're okay. A patient on the way to recovery, just what I need to chin up.

'What's up?' I ask. "Happy Birthday." He says. 'Er… thanks?' I reply.

For a couple of hours or so I get on with my work. That's until I go and check on a patient, whose father has run off… that's when it all goes pear-shaped.

I check on the patient in question and bump into Ash.

As we make our way down to the staff area for a break, I rant to him about how Connie has turned my friends into a bunch of backstabbing, untrustworthy people… I can't stand them anymore, I don't feel wanted anymore… and then suddenly he grabs me by the shoulders and turns me around. I'm astounded by the sight which greets me.

The staff area is decorated with balloons… all my colleagues are standing there. Noel is holding a cake. I really messed up this time…

I go to the staff room and sit on the floor. I quit this job. That's it, I've had it. I've embarrassed myself in front of my friends, my team.

Tears roll down my cheeks. I've muffed it with Max, everyone probably hates me now, for definite. I'm never going to be able to show my face in this ED for a while.

I log on to a computer and fill out a form for a holiday, for two months' worth, in fact. I've been thinking that it would be good to have a break for a while, take a breather, and today has made up my mind.

I hand my notice in to Connie. She assumes it's a holiday form. 'It's a bit more permanent than that.' I inform her, walking out of the office.

It feels odd to look at all of the staff, some stressed, some relaxed… yet I'm not going to be stressed for a while, I'm going to have some me time. It'll take some time to get used to not getting up at 7 every morning, ready for another busy day.

I'm not going to Dr Zoe Hanna, Clinical Lead anymore… I'm simply going to be Zoe. I'll have some "me" time and try to relax.

It feels strange to be walking away from the place I'm at almost 7 days a week… I know that I've made the right decision, it would be a lot better than staying with a hostile and untrusting team, and a break is just what I need.


End file.
